mission

“We have to do the tree!”

This was the overwhelming majority response when I suggested, a few days into November, that maybe we wouldn’t do the tree on the wall this year. I just felt too spent that day to put forth the effort, only to take it down and get out the Christmas decorations in a few weeks. But clearly it was important to them. Every November for many many years our family has put up a paper tree on the wall or window in whatever house or country we’ve lived in. Then we trace everyone’s hands (or paws) and cut out a bunch of them as leaves to go on the tree, with things we’re thankful for written on them. We continue to add to the tree all month, until fall colored hands liven up the wall.

Being grateful is something that I know is important. I know it is healthy. I know it is right. But it is not always easy. When I feel good, it is much easier to be thankful. When I am sick, in pain, lonely or depressed, sometimes the only thing I can think of to be thankful for is something I can just as easily breathe a complaint about. I’m thankful for tacos. I wish we had black beans instead of red ones today. I’m thankful for coffee. Wish mine was warmer. I’m thankful for our dog. It’d be nice if someone would bathe him…and on and on.

How do I get out of this rut? I really spent time contemplating that this morning. How can I cultivate a heart of gratitude even on the hard days, or in the hard seasons?

The only thing I came up with is preaching truth to myself. My hope is only Jesus. He gives me everything I need. He is with me. There is always hope. He is working for my good and His glory in all things. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. As I bring my requests to him–with thanksgiving–the peace that passes all understanding guards my heart and mind. He is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. My inheritance in Christ is immeasurably more than I can imagine, and it can never be taken from me. His Spirit is at work in my life and the lives of those I love. His steadfast love endures forever. He will never leave nor forsake me. He has me here, in my daily circumstances, for such a time as this. I am victorious in Him.

Seriously, that is the only way I can think of to spark gratitude when sinking low. It seemed to work for Paul. He was in prison, he praised the Lord. He was in pain, he wrote of God’s amazing comfort. He was feeling dejected, he exhorted others to live into their full potential in Christ, with compassionate hearts, humility, meekness, and patience. Paul always seemed to find an attitude of thankfulness no matter what his circumstances were. He found a way to rejoice in the Lord. What an amazing example!

I want to be like that too. I’m thankful my kids didn’t let me give up the tree on the wall this year. A heart of gratitude is a precious and beautiful thing, even–and maybe especially–on the hard days.

“Ok, just type ‘alive.’ Nothing else. Just let me know you’re breathing!”

Community. It’s a beautiful and complicated thing. It’s wonderful to have people who care, people who check in (and won’t give up until they’re sure you are alive!), ones you can count on if you’re in a trial, or if you need a cup of sugar. We have learned a lot about community these past 7 years of being part of the “going” of missions. First is that it is constantly changing, as far as the physically present community that surrounds us. The hellos can be awkward and hard, and the goodbyes infinitely harder. Maybe that’s a good thing. These people who come and go are part of God’s good plan for our lives. We usually don’t step out of a community the same people that we were when we first entered into it.

This past summer we experienced an exodus of the community as we’d known it here at Tenwek. Many we will see again, some we might not, but all have left an imprint on us. As the kids and I traveled back to North Carolina, we also experienced the blessing of being reminded of the wonderful community of family and friends we still have there. It is amazing how God orchestrated each of us to feel his presence through community in the short time we were back. Whether it was through people helping us, or just making the time to be with us, it was really a gift. 

God created us for community. Real live people doing real life together. Being mostly an introvert, I would say I mostly recharge by spending time alone. So, at times, I have to force myself to reach out and spend time with others. The thing is that I always think back on a gathering with a full and happy heart. Hearing encouragement, laughing together, eating and praying, sharing burdens together—it’s a necessity of life. Maybe it’s even a way God works out the gospel in our lives. Interactions with other humans are not always easy. They are often messy as we all have our own assumptions and notions to deal with. But working through differences teaches us more about God’s infinite mercy and patience with us! 

As I reflect back on us being back in Kenya another year, being sent by and then serving alongside some very special people on both sides of the ocean, I realize God’s hand of provision of community has been one of our greatest gifts. We are not alone. We have Him. We have each other. And that is so good.

“In this world you will have trouble, but take heart! I have overcome the world.”

John 16:33b

What is a real missionary? I’ve been asking myself this question for years. And I’ve given a real missionary many different, unrealistic faces…someone who has no running water or electricity most (or all) of the time, one who makes their milk from powder, someone who faces real persecution for their faith and has to use ‘code’ to talk about the Lord in their emails or posts, someone who drives themselves on the tenuous roads in their country, someone who deals with major insects and exhausting heat, and someone who is just joyful all the time, despite the hardships of living overseas, facing many challenges and oppositions.

So you decide, do any of these descriptions constitute a real missionary? I don’t know if I really know, but maybe God is leading me away from this question entirely and to a new question. Am I being faithful in what He has asked me to do? Am I playing my part? Do I believe I really have a part?

It is so tempting to compare. It is so tempting to doubt. Jesus came to earth as a babe all those years ago for the whole world. For everyone. We ALL have a part in His story of redemption. No matter how troubled my soul feels, I can have confidence that God is always at work in me and in the world. Maybe all He’s really asking is for me to say a simple yes. Yes, Lord, I’ll take the next step of faith. I’ll draw near to that child who’s actively repelling me. I’ll have that conversation…

“But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.”

Acts 1:8

Jesus doesn’t list out the qualities of a good witness or missionary. He simply says we will be his witnesses when we have the power of the Holy Spirit living in us. In loving God and loving others, albeit imperfectly as I do, I can move forward the kingdom of God.

So I’m asking the Lord to reshape my perspective on being here in Kenya, to remind me that I have a part to play, even when I might think it’s not that great.

Make my faith stronger, Lord. Help me to give you glory for my life and work, no matter how it compares to anyone else’s. Help me walk each day, fully trusting that You are able and You are good! You are Emmanuel, God with me, always.