This Wild Journey

Quiet confidence

There are seasons of life. There is time for action. For speaking out. And there is time for reservation. For stillness. For quiet confidence. I admit I tend to love those times of action. Give me a list and I’ll check off those boxes and feel great doing it! Give me an idea of some truth to say, I’ll speak it, always with good intention of course (wink, wink). But through many mistakes, I’m learning that there are maybe more times than I like to admit for quiet confidence, for the strong faith that doesn’t have to be seen or heard by anybody, and for prayer.

We have asked for prayer a lot these past 2 years. We are speaking to people all the time who want to pray, and then they may ask what else they can do to help. We are so grateful. But what if prayer was enough? Is that ok to say? I struggle to believe it. So often, I pray…and then try to figure out a way to act. Maybe something I say will make a difference, maybe something I do. Definitely I think God calls us and leads us to act and speak in many different circumstances. But maybe He also wants to do a giant work in our lives and hearts in the quiet confidence of praying boldly and big, and then leaving the prayers at His feet. Not having to act or speak at that moment. Maybe He is reminding me to take time to just let my faith grow.

I’m learning that it doesn’t depend on me. I’m a vessel that God can use. But it’s HIM. He works. He acts. He speaks. It feels freeing to know that. I can be available to act and speak, but also rest in knowing that there is One greater than me who actually holds all things in place.

We all have big things to ask of God. Some tangible, circumstantial things, some that are more hidden, heart things. Sometimes we ask for ourselves, and many times for other people. He knows. He hears. And He is sovereign over it all.

Please continue to pray as the Lord leads you, for our family to learn all that God is teaching us right now, for us to be able to get back to Kenya in God’s perfect time, and for us to have that quiet confidence in all things that God is working for our good and His ultimate glory.

Asante sana (thank you) 🇰🇪

Posted: September 30, 2018
Under: Family, hope, mission, Prayer, refining
By: Emily

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The wounded

We are in a time of waiting. Our family has been called to missions. Called to go to Kenya and serve the people at and around Tenwek Hospital. Yet we wait right now. Wait for funds, wait for provision of another doctor at the practice here, wait for the right time. And though we don’t understand why, we wait with purpose. Maybe part of the purpose is something we need to learn. Probably some “things” actually (plural).

A lot of people commend us for being willing to take our family to Kenya. While that is so kind, let me be the first to say that there is nothing inherently good or courageous in me that makes me want to go. As we’ve explored missions more and learned through much reading and training and listening and living, missionaries are just as flawed as the rest of the world. We struggle. We have brokenness in our hearts and our lives. But it is in this brokenness that we serve. We are obeying a calling that God has on our lives. It is only because of Christ that we can go. He is transforming us just as much as He is working in the lives of those we serve.

When we were in Kenya last year I remember feeling embarrassed when I thought my kids or our family were not representing the “missionary” title very well. I still am tempted to feel that way at times. But I think the Lord is slowly breaking me of that, humbling me to realize that we are all in need. If our kids were perfect, if we were perfect, then what grounds would we have to be traveling the world to proclaim our need for a Savior?

I never want lose focus that He is the Savior. He is the healer. He is the sovereign One, who knows how everything will unfold. I want to remember that our need for Him should be ever before us. I should not go through even one day where I say that I am fully there, I’ve got everything I need, I can keep doing this thing and helping others on my own. If that happens, there will be a lot of trouble!

I saw this quote recently and found it to ring so true:

“It is the process of confronting our pain and knowing our stories that allows us to serve people from a stance of mutuality. In this space where suffering meets suffering, there is the potential for true transformation to be born.”

~Ryan Kuja, www.alifeoverseas.com

We all have pain and woundedness in our lives. It may be more outward at times, or ever deep within the soul. Either way, it is the common condition. It is the level playing ground. May it be the humbling place that we are able to minister, to reach out in love, and to share the truth of Jesus Christ. The gospel reveals that our pain can be transformed by the wounds of our Savior. He came to take our pain fully upon himself, to redeem us completely. What a glorious truth!

*As I write this, Tenwek and the patients there are in need of our prayers. Not all details are known, but the nurses have gone on strike and walked out. Please join us in praying that a peaceful solution can be reached and the patients will be cared for, and most of all that the name of Jesus will be lifted high. Thank you.

*UPDATE on nursing strike: Thank you for praying! God has brought the nurses back to Tenwek as of 8/10/18. Continued prayer for reconciliation and healing is appreciated. Praise the Lord that He heals the wounded.

Posted: August 8, 2018
Under: mission, refining, the gospel
By: Emily

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Shifting shadows

“Holiness, holiness is what I long for. Holiness, holiness is what I need.”

These are lyrics to a worship song I can still remember singing at summer camp years ago. I didn’t know much of what it meant back then, but I knew it was true. Fast forward many years and on any given day I might start out doing pretty well. I have my quiet time with the Lord. I’m feeling filled up, ready to face the day, seeking to walk in holiness. Then a child slams into me as he chases his brother through the kitchen and my coffee goes down, a cup of milk spills off the counter and boom. I’m no longer feeling the holiness. I’m raising my voice and trying to catch up with the discipline that probably should have happened a few minutes before the spilling happened. I might be wishing my children would wake up with a little less energy, and would have attitudes like so-and-so’s kids probably exhibit all the time–loving, calm, and ready to help at any given moment (haha). I’m annoyed that this cleaning up is going to take a while, and actually involve some floor cleaner, and then I start shifting to all the things I need to get done after breakfast and I feel the anxiety rise. How can I possibly get anything done…? And how can I shift back to that place I was just a few minutes ago? How did I get this far into defeat in such a small amount of time?!

Or it happens with one of our children. They seem like they’re having a pretty good day, then something happens to change the course, something sets them off. Maybe they lost something or they ask to do a certain thing and the answer is no. Then, boom! They’re blowing up, raging about how we never let them do anything, how they’re never going to find the thing they lost and it’s all someone else’s fault, and by the way they don’t even want to be in this family anymore anyway. Wow! That can seriously happen in our house in a matter of seconds some days. It is mind-boggling. We sometimes just look at each other and say, “What just happened?!” In a split second, words are said, things are done that could truly damage a relationship and a heart.

We humans are just like shifting shadows. We can change with the wind, affected by the circumstances of the day. But thankfully our God is not like this at all. He is a Rock. He is unchanging. He is not loving one minute, and hateful the next. The Bible says his steadfast love never changes. His holiness is a sure thing.

So what am I to do? I long for the day that the ups and downs will be no more. No more tantrums (by adults or children) or discouragement or pity parties–no more sin–just goodness and beauty and truth forever! Until that day, I am learning over and over again the basic truth of anchoring my life to the One who does not waver like shifting shadows.

According to dictionary.com, an anchor can be defined as “a person or thing that provides stability or confidence in an otherwise uncertain situation.”

Holiness can be defined as “a state of being holy, set apart, dedicated or consecrated to God.”

In my every day moments I have to make a conscious choice to anchor myself and to be dedicated to the Lord, or else I am swayed every which way. It is through a series of seemingly small choices each day…a small choice to turn around a stressful moment with a gentle response or to exit the room if I need an attitude shift, or to pray. It’s the little choices to stay the course, and to stand on the promises of God and what He has convicted me of and called me to do. In my flesh I can give up in about 2 seconds (and I sometimes try to). I am so weak. In Christ, I have the strength to be holy as He is holy (1 Peter 1:16). It’s countercultural and seemingly impossible, but only possible in Him.

So praise the Lord you and I don’t have to settle for this…