This Wild Journey

“If you splash me before I’m wet, I won’t get in!” These are familiar words that come from my mouth when enjoying a day at the pool with my kids. They love when I get in and swim with them, and I do too…but they know I take my sweet time to do that. I’m a wimp and I’m ok with it! I may have delivered 6 babies naturally, by God’s grace, but I do not like cold water, and I have never been one to just jump in.

The Webster’s dictionary defines courage as “the quality of mind that enables one to encounter danger and difficulties with firmness, or without fear or depression of spirit.” I don’t think of myself as one who exemplifies this definition. I don’t think of myself as especially brave. But I guess there is a way that courage does become vital to what we’re about to embark on again in moving our family of eight back across the ocean to Kenya at the end of the summer.

I’m a person who likes routine and comfort. Two things that are not very plentiful in this life of missions, I’ve discovered. As many people plan for the start of next school year, I just hope we’re there in time and have enough go-power to get started before they want a fall break. Somehow, He will work it out. As many people settle into a house that they can decorate and truly live in, we have had a pile of framed pictures leaned on the wall of a bedroom in our house for almost a year. We were never sure what we should put up, only to turn around and take down. This life of uncertainty and much moving can be wearisome, though it does help me lean into my Provider, and remember my one true Home. 

And then there’s sickness. Why does it just feel easier to be sick here? Am I more certain that everything I need would be at my disposal in mere seconds should things turn bad for me or a family member? Do I have that much trust in the “system?” Am I sure there wouldn’t be a shortage of a necessary medicine, or that the time it takes an ambulance to reach us would always beat the time it would take to run or drive up that hill at Tenwek carrying one who needs help? Don’t I trust that God is my true source of Help? Not a first-world medical system?

When I feel like I’m heading toward a wilderness, toward some things I have very real fears about, I’m learning to thank Jesus even for that. I’m learning to be still before Him and remember that He is still God. 

“Every wilderness holds God’s tenderness, and the driest of deserts can be the holy of holies. Deserts aren’t places to fear: Deserts are trust greenhouses. Rest in today’s pasture, and fret not about tomorrow’s provision.”

Ann Voskamp, waymaker

Maybe that’s what true courage looks like. Even though I sometimes feel overwhelmed with fear and overcome with weariness, Christ is my anchor, and I can keep moving forward, clinging to Him. He knows. He sees. He cares. He provides. The only true courage I find is found in Him.

“What if?”

There are many times this question comes up in life. How can we possibly be prepared for it all? Maybe we can’t! I’m relearning this over and over as we navigate this home assignment.

It’s been a while since I’ve written here. Our family is now in the middle of our year back in the US before returning to Kenya later this summer, Lord-willing. We’ve been so thankful and blessed by God’s provision for us this year so far. We arrived home and had many doctor’s appointments that all turned out well. We had our house here to settle into right away. We have had sweet times with family and friends. Tom has been blessed to continue work at Triad Pediatrics. We have been able to be part of a wonderful homeschool community very close to our home. We received valuable counseling in December. We had Covid and recovered. The list goes on…

Among all these evidences of God’s provision, I still can tend to question if He will continue to provide. Will every need really be met? Are you sure, Lord? Isn’t there something more I should be doing to take care of all the possible ‘what if’s?’

I think God is reminding me again that I can lay all my anxiety at His feet. He is the one who says he provides more abundantly than I could even ask or think (Eph. 4:20-21). As we rest in him and his sufficiency, we can trust Jesus to guide us and give us wisdom. We can expect his provision. We will even at times be surprised by his provision.

Just a real quick practical of this from Scripture that jumped out at me recently. Many of us have heard the story of Elijah being told by God to go away from King Ahab and hide by the brook at Cherith for a time. In Sunday school or a children’s Bible, we usually see a man lounging by a lush stream. Well, that’s probably not quite how it was. God provided for him there. It was dry and rocky. He could never have grown or caught his own food in that place. So God had ravens bring him bread and meat. Ravens?! Yes, ravens. What scavenger bird do you know of would bring food in its mouth to a human being and drop it off? No way!! And ravens were even thought of as unclean and disgusting birds to steer clear of in Bible times. Wow. More than Elijah could have asked or imagined. A miracle.

So as I continue to think about the coming months and years, I can trust God to provide financially, physically, spiritually, and emotionally for our family to be where He wants us to be, trust that He will provide for our kids in every way, trust that He will lead the way. May we walk in obedience to Him and expect Him to provide, because He says He will!

“God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that always having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work.”

-2 Corinthians 9:8

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. -Hebrews12:1-3

You’ve probably heard by now that our family enjoys animals. We have had some fun here in Kenya raising chickens. I am not a runner. But the few times I have run, I know that it is important to look ahead. It is important to look at your path, and to not avert your eyes much from that. The funny thing is, chickens do the same thing! Our kids like to sometimes take our chickens out for a chicken race. They find a starting line (usually up high so the chickens can get a flying start), and then they let them go, seeing who makes it “home” to their coop the fastest. Well, no matter where you take those chickens, they know how to run home. And they do it with purpose and precision. It’s really a sight to see!

God has been impressing on me a lot lately about running our race. And running with perseverance. Living here these past couple years has brought us to many desperate places in our family. We have had times when we have felt very weary and like we’re losing heart. We have had times we’ve struggled for joy. But I would say the constants that have helped us make it through have been God’s word and the faith of those who have gone before. The first one might seem obvious and a very Christian missionary-type thing to say. But I can’t say it enough that the Bible is my absolute lifeline. When I am sick, when I’m discouraged, when I can barely pull myself out of bed, when I feel hopeless about a child or a situation, Jesus always lifts me up through His word. When I can’t even read it, I just listen to a soothing British voice speak it to me with guitar music in the background (plug for the Dwell app).

The second constant might be a little less obvious. It has been focusing on those faithful saints who have gone before. I’ve found that reading pointed biographies has really encouraged me more than ever these past couple years. I love to read of other Christians’ “races” and how God carried them through. There are so many people with such a harder life than me, and who have had to face much more dire circumstances even in serving God outside their comfort zone! It just puts things into perspective. After I put down a book with a story of God’s faithfulness amidst the trials, I am always able to take a bit of a deeper breath, knowing that though circumstances are different, our God is still the same. Jesus Christ is the same-yesterday, today and forever. He is 100% faithful. He sees, and He cares about our every need.

So, as we prepare to pack up and leave Kenya for now, I have been reflecting on what it means to run our race. It doesn’t mean looking at the people next to me and how they may have done it better. It does mean gaining strength and encouragement from what God is and has been doing in the lives of other believers, being thankful to be surrounded by such a great “cloud of witnesses” to His mercy and grace. It means throwing off sin—maybe anxiety or insecurity, or unbelief. It means I run my race, while you run yours, and we both trust God for perseverance along the way. It means setting my mind and heart on the LORD, who has been the only one who has run this earthly race perfectly. And it means remembering all that He went through for me. I have not yet suffered as much as He did, and I can count on the fact that no matter what lies ahead, He will get me through. The purpose of my race is ultimately to point to Him.

So we may not be running for our lives like the chickens, but we can still keep our eyes fixed on our eternal home, on our perfect Savior. May we trust Him to give us the strength we need for the race He’s marked out!