This Wild Journey

Panic. Maybe it seems more so in the days and times we live in. Maybe it’s more of a “western” thing. The moments, be they big or small, of thinking things are all about to come crashing down. Overwhelm ensues. Anxiety hits. You feel like giving up. You feel like you just can’t handle any more.

And then you take a breath.

One thing I have truly noticed and taken to heart here in Kenya is the response from Kenyans, particularly Christian women, when I tell them bad or hard news.

If someone in our family is sick…”It will be well,” or “You will be well.”

If there is trouble back home…”It will be well.”

If we have to make sudden changes to our plans…”It will be well.”

As I ask for specific prayer…”It will be well.”

I’m embarrassed to say I used to sort of excuse this as a form of naivety or just talk. I would think the person wanted everything to be well, and it was just something nice to say. Maybe equivalent to “bless your heart” in the South. But after living here almost two years, I have now come to know I was wrong. I think I was the naive one.

There is such a deep sense of trust in that “it will be well” statement. It partly comes, I think, from these mamas seeing so many hard things and suffering in their lives. It most definitely comes from abiding in Christ, their Savior and Lord. Abiding means “to dwell.” How do we dwell in Christ so completely that we are not easily shaken, not easily rocked, not easily panicked when those stressful moments come? How can we live like “it will be well” even if the outcome we want or think is best isn’t what happens?

I am learning. And I’m getting plenty of practice lately, it feels like. I just came through my 4th illness (different ones) in 4 weeks. And this last one was really rough. There have been panic moments of feeling like my body couldn’t take anymore, and wondering how on earth I would protect the people around me from getting sick.

And then there is just life. The chaos of a house full of kids. The noise. The mess. The wondering if they’re going to turn out okay. Sometimes there can be panic moments of feeling like we’re not doing enough.

But…it will be well. I don’t think it’s just a way of positive thinking. It’s deeper than that.

God’s word tells us in the Psalms that He is faithful in all his words and kind in all his works. It also says that He never slumbers or sleeps. He is always working. He never stops. As Christ followers we can trust that we live in His unshakeable kingdom. He is on the throne; He is sovereign over our lives. We partner with Him, we make our choices, but His will and purposes will always prevail.*

So, I am learning from these wise and faith-filled Kenyan women. It will be well.

*Scriptures referenced: Psalms 145, 121, Hebrews 12, Psalm 47:8 and Proverbs 16:9

Sometimes in life God gives us a wake-up call, a loud circumstance that truly gets our attention and helps us evaluate. I got one of those in early August when I got sick with what I think might have been the worst illness I’ve ever experienced. One night I just didn’t feel right as I was going to bed, and the next thing I knew I was having intense chills and a feeling like all of my body’s organ systems were just completely out of whack. I tried to sleep but had such severe insomnia that I think I only slept one hour that night (and if you know me, you know I usually do not struggle with insomnia). It was like I would shut my eyes, but my brain was wide open and working overtime.

Tom and I both ended up getting tested for Covid-19 that week (he had some symptoms also), and thankfully it was negative. But the intensity in my body and spirit drug on for more days and nights. I was discouraged. I was afraid. It felt like God was trying to bring something to my attention in all this sickness and anxiety about the sickness. Maybe I wasn’t so secure and trusting in my faith like I thought I was. Maybe I wasn’t ready for “whatever could happen.”

I don’t wish an intense difficult time like this for anyone, but I will say that it has brought me closer to God and helped me release more to His control. I’ve heard it said that sometimes in our fear it’s good to just take it to the farthest place it could go. What if xyz did happen? What if the worst you can think of came to be? Would God still be God? Would He still be good? Would His steadfast love still remain? While we don’t want to think about it, the answers are yes, yes and Yes!

We are all made with forever in our hearts. We are made for eternity. This life is not all there is. As a Christian, I know that well in my head. But this has been solidified again in my heart. With all the turmoil in the world, with all the sickness—both in physical bodies and also in spirit and soul, I can trust my eternal God. He never changes. He will always be with me. I can count on Him to be stable, and to guide the way forward, even on my darkest, scariest nights. And Jesus even promises us that we are overcomers in Him. In this world we will have trouble, but we can count on the fact that He has overcome the world (John 16:33), and therefore we can too. The victory belongs to Christ!

So while it’s tempting to just go on with life and all my regular Monday mornings, and forget what God has done and how faithful He is, I don’t want to forget. I don’t want to trudge through the ups and downs. I want to claim that victory. I want to stand for truth and be faithful in my little corner of the world—to live fully, to love boldly, and to persevere in faith. He who calls us and keeps us—forever—is faithful.

The world is so different from one year ago. So many things have changed. When we first came to Tenwek, we could easily walk up to the hospital any day. We could hold babies, minister to families on the pediatric ward, or the kids could even go visit their dad and take him a drink. Now we can’t go anywhere near the hospital without being screened and having a sure & necessary purpose there. No one can. And the sad part is, because of the fear that many feel regarding Covid-19 now, most don’t really want to.

These days some of us are struggling with our purpose. Maybe it’s a common thing all over the world. What are we to do? Sometimes purpose is clear, like serving in the hospital, helping people in life and death situations. Sometimes though, as one of our sons said recently, we just feel like “sitting around doing nothing.” At times maybe that can be just the right thing to do, to just be. But it can also lead to thoughts and temptations that cause us to wonder what life’s all about anyway. It can even lead to dark places in our minds.

This summer, I really feel challenged to take those thoughts captive more than ever before. It has seemed so vital to be intentional about being present in the moments, even the seemingly insignificant ones, so as not to be overcome with the troubles of this world.

Our family shared recently that we are sort of in a time of “waiting.” Waiting for coronavirus to hit, waiting for a normalcy of some sort, and maybe for greater purpose to emerge. But God is not a God of catching up. He knows exactly what is happening, and it did not happen without him realizing. I have to cling to the fact that He is God, and I am not. He is holy. His purposes are so much greater.

So if my purpose today is to be faithful in the seemingly small thing of just being present, then that’s my ministry today. If reading to a child, smiling at a neighbor, praying for the person who comes by looking lonely, taking a walk, or spending extra time in God’s word is some of my purpose these days, then it is good. God knows what will lead us to Him. He knows what will show us clearly that “He is the Lord and there is no other.” May our purpose be to know Him more and to make Him known through how we navigate these challenging days.

Please continue to be in prayer for us and for the Tenwek community as a whole. We now have actual Covid-19 positive patients at the hospital (as of last week). The numbers are increasing in our county of Bomet. The temptation to be anxious is growing too. But we continue to cling to the Lord and his comfort and strength. He is and will always be our refuge and our ever-present help!